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 As you may know, Riley
is a long term resident greyhound at the Norfolk & Suffolk Animal
Trust.
He will have been with us for 1 year this August. His
picture and details are in
the rescue section of the website.
Riley does enjoy living at the Trust, he has only ever
known kennel life, and thankfully, our kennels are luxurious in comparison
to many others.
Riley, decided to celebrate his 1st
entire year of not finding a home by becoming notorious. If you can’t
get a home by being a good, well behaved greyhound then why not try a
different tact! Perhaps Riley felt a bit of notoriety would be helpful
in this re-homing lark. It could have been that seeing all those happy rescue
dogs with their new owners, enjoying the fete, gave him a moment of
clarity. Or he could have just decided that the opportunity 'to cause havoc' was too
good to pass up. We’ll never know why he did it, but on the day of the fete Riley decided to herd
some donkeys. And so a legend was born...
For the first time in the history of Trust summer fetes
we decided to have a scurry present. This is a long lane created from
orange safety netting to make a run ending in a large circular capture
area. Dogs take turns to run down the lane and are timed. This can be
quite entertaining as owners really get into the spirit of urging
their dogs down the scurry; catching them at the end can be comical, not all the dogs can be persuaded
to run from start to finish; detours, false starts and toilet stops
are not uncommon. Bales of hay are placed at intervals along the run
to slow down the faster more professional breeds e.g. the greyhounds
who take the scurry very seriously and tend to see themselves as a bit
of a
specialist in this event.
Riley our resident greyhound had been out mingling and
socialising on the day, showing off his smooth coat and good looks,
trying to get someone to take him home. He was, as usual, not having
much success so, to cheer him up, we decided to give him a shot
down
the scurry. Well, he took off down that
scurry like a dog possessed. It had been a while since he had done any
professional running in public and appeared to have forgotten how to
run in a straight line. He bounced off the safety netting a couple of
times before realigning himself and making an arrow straight, high
speed run. The bales of hay did not slow him down, he took them in his
stride. He was larger than life and faster than a speeding bullet as
he entered the capture area, scattering
the people waiting to put him back on the lead. He
barrelled through the safety netting at the end of the capture area and just kept on going.
Now, anyone who has ever released a greyhound (you mad
fools) will know that the dog will run very fast but normally
in a large loop or circuit (imitating the racetrack) rather than
in a straight 'goodbye see you later' line. The loop or circuits he
runs in will decrease in size and the greyhound will, eventually, come
to a standstill - hopefully beside you!
So Riley, breaking free of
the scurry boundaries, started to do his loops...around the two donkeys from Scratby Garden
Centre who were, up to this point, having a rather pleasant day giving donkey rides to
the children!
 The
donkeys, on noticing Riley running around them at very high speed,
began braying, bellowing and circling in their ‘I’m
slightly concerned’ manner. As Riley's loops decreased in
size, bringing him closer, the donkeys began bucking and kicking out
with their hind legs
in a ‘Ok.. now I’m royally worried’. This didn't
phase Riley at all...he's either stupid or enjoys taking risks,
the jury’s still out. By now he had developed a slower lolloping
rhythm as he circled the donkeys with a real bounce in his step.
You could see he was truly enjoying himself. He got extra excited at
the sight of two legged performing donkeys and seemed to spend more
time at their rear ends encouraging them to do that 'try to kick me in
the head' trick again. The donkeys moved together for protection and
when they did this Riley ran back and forth in front of them, thus
herding them back into the corner of the field.
Riley
then happily trotted over to the Trust’s chairman with a look on
his face that said “my work here is done”. Everyone had
watched heart in mouth, the incident seemed to last an
eternity...more so for the little boy that happened to be on one of the
donkeys. After Riley had been lead away, the little boy was removed
from the donkey and everyone watched anxiously as the colour slowly
returned to his face. Someone commented “I bet you didn’t
expect a bucking bronco ride, but I should think you’ll get
another go for free”.
Time on Scurry = 4.20 seconds.
Time to herd two donkeys into corner = 1.38 seconds.
Time for little boy to recover and say yes to free go = 0.2 seconds.
Everyone’s a winner.
Riley still hasn’t
found his forever home, although he’s planning to enquire at Scratby
Garden Centre. The donkey’s have fully recovered and now feel able to
give donkey rides again after receiving counselling. They have
requested a hay rise by way of compensation and a new get-out clause
in their employment contracts about future herding attempts. They
also maintain that they didn’t have to miss when they kicked out at
Riley that day. He
should be very careful because those donkeys know where he
lives...for the moment. |
 A
woman brought her poorly looking Parrot into the local Vets.
As she lay the Parrot on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope
and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly announced, I'm
so sorry, your parrot has passed away.
The distressed owner cried out, are you sure?
Yes I'm sure, sadly your Parrot is dead, he replied.
How can you be so sure, she protested. I mean, you haven't done any
testing on him or anything else. He might just be in a coma or
something.
The vet took a deep breath, turned around and left the room, a few
moments later he returned with a Labrador dog. The Parrot's owner
looked on in amazement as the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the parrot from top to
bottom.
The Labrador then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out. He returned a few moments
later with a cat.
The cat jumped up on the table, looked up and down the parrot, then
sat back on its haunches and shook its head at the vet. The vet looked
at the woman and said, I'm sorry, but as I said previously, your
parrot has passed on.
The vet walked the lady back to the reception desk, spoke to the
receptionist who then produced a bill and handed it to the woman.
The parrot's owner still in shock, looked at the bill, and shouted
£100.00.
You're going to charge me £100.00 just to tell me my parrot is dead!
The vet shrugged and said, I'm sorry, if you'd taken my word for it,
the bill would have only been £20.00, but with the additional Lab
Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £100.00.... |
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Some people have the
misconception that cats never have to be bathed.
They say that cats lick themselves clean, they say that cats have a
special enzyme chemical mixture in their saliva that removes the dirt,
whisking it away to be produced at a later date as a fur ball. I've
spent most of my life believing this cat self cleaning method, but I
can assure you that my cat is definitely an exception to the clean cat
rule!
The main problem is that my cat,
when outside,
likes nothing better than to roll over in his, and often other cats and
dogs,
business. Unusual and very strange behaviour I know, but even us humans have strange
habits, not always understood by the rest of civilisation. So in short,
my cat is always rather smelly, probably around 9 out of 10 on the stinkometer.
His rather poor attempt at cleaning himself, also leaves a lot to be desired
as he gets bored very quickly with this arduous ablutions task. So
odours that come from my cat are quite pungent and not very friendly to
the nasal passages, especially when my loving cat jumps up onto my lap
for a stroking session.
The time has come when a
person must face reality about their cat, when they must look squarely
in the face of the cleanliness of cats belief and
announce - My cat smells like the inside of a PortaLoo toilet on an extremely hot day,
at a Rock Concert.
So once you've finally faced
the reality about your feline pet, the question is what to do about it. In simple terms the cat
has to have a bath! This is an easy task for a human or even a dog, but
this is a cat who's armed to the teeth with very sharp claws, who won't
take very kindly to you getting them all wet. So to save everyone, who may
find themselves in my predicament, I've produced this beginners guide to bathing a
cat.
Like any military
operation a certain amount of logistical planning must be considered before you attempt placing your
pussy under your arm and marching off to the bathroom.
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Know that the
cat has the advantage of speed, agility, inbred desire not to get wet
and a lack of concern for human life. But, you have the advantage of strength
and planning. Capitalize on this advantage by
selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe the cat in an open area where
they can get away from you quite easily. If you have a small bathroom
the task will be much easier, if your
bathroom is large but has a shower cubical, it's recommended that you
use this. If you haven't got a shower cubical to confine your cat to,
then you'll have to get into the
bath tub with the cat. Hopefully your bath will be equipped with a fixed
plastic or glass shower door, which can be used to block off one of the
cats escape routes. If you only have a shower curtain please note this will not do
as an escape prevention restriction. A damp berserk cat
can shred a shower curtain and beat a hasty retreat quicker than you can
say.................
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Understand that a cat has an arsenal of claws
and is not afraid to use them! Especially in their defence and will try
to remove all the skin from any exposed body parts. Your
advantage here is that you are clever and know how to dress to protect
yourself. I recommend thick overalls tucked into Wellington
boots, a pair of thick gardening or motorcycle gloves, a full face
motorcycle crash helmet and just for good measure, a heavy duty
woodworkers apron with a pocket in the front. If you have them, a set of
Cricket Pads for additional leg protection.
●
For a few days before the bath, wear
your new outfit around your home, especially in front of your cat so
they can get use to your new, but strange look and make sure you pick
the cat up often. Familiarity will help and curb your cats suspicions.
(Please Note: Cats have little or no interest your fashion dress sense.
Suddenly appearing in your new attire and whisking them away to a room
they normally try their best to steer clear off, may distress them even
more than necessary.) Remember to close the curtains whilst
dressed in your cat cleaning kit, you really don't want your neighbours
to see you dressed in this manner. At best you'll be the talk of the
neighbourhood and you will probably have a visit from the Police.
●
Prepare everything in
advance. There simply is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat
slashing away at your work apron. Fill the bath with enough luke warm
water so as not to drown yourself if you fall over in the ensuing
tussle. Make sure the bottle
of kitty shampoo is inside the enclosure or preferably in the pocket of
your work apron. Make sure the towel is in easy reach, especially if you are lying on your back in the water.
Warn your neighbours of likelyhood of screams coming from your house,
especially from you, if your protection isn't adequate.
●
On the day, pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if
you were simply carrying them to
their food dish.
Once you are inside the
bathroom, speed is essential to your survival. In a single fluid
motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the bath enclosure, plunge the cat in the water and
give them a squirt with the shampoo.
You have just began one of the wildest couple of minutes of your life.
●
Be aware that cats have no
handles and now the cat has soapy fur, they'll be slipperier than an eel
in a bucket, the problem has become
radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to the cat for more than two
or three seconds at a time. When you have a firm grip on them, rub like
crazy,
remembering to give them another squirt of shampoo. Plunge the cat back
into the water and repeat above as often as you can get away with it.
Two or three latherings is probably all you'll get at best, so don't expect
too much. Try to keep the cat as calm as possible by making the best and
friendliest cooing noises inside your helmet. When the water has assumed
the colour of your cat, the washing and rinsing cycle is complete.
●
Next, the cat must be
dried. It could be assumed this part will be the most
difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat
is still really angry. In fact, the drying is simple compared to
what you have just been through. This is because the cat, by now, will
be
semi-permanently affixed to your leg. You simply pull the chain attached
to the drain
plug with your free foot, reach for your towel and wait. Take this
relatively calm period to get your breath back, demist the helmets visor
and reflect about your technique, remembering the best moves for the
next cat/bath encounter. As the water finally drains from the tub, the
gurgling and sucking noise may make the cat scramble up your body and
try to cling to the the top of your helmet. If
this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake them loose and
encourage them back toward your leg. After all the water is drained from the
tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat with the
towel, whist in position on your leg. Eventually your cat will calm down
a little and allow you to dry other parts of their body. Don't be fooled
by your cat seeming calm at this point, taking off your gloves to ease
the drying operation could be considered foolhardy and regrettable. Keep
fully protected at all times whilst in the bathroom and it is
recommended to steer clear of you cat for a least an hour after the
bath.
For a
few days after the bath, your cat probably
won't have anything to say or do with you. They will probably spend a lot of time sitting with
their back to you. You may
assume that your cat is angry with you and they probably are. After a
few days ignoring you, they will have assessed what happened and try to
work out ways to get through your defences and injure you for life the
next time you decide to give them a bath.
But eventually after a
lot of fuss, attention and food, they will come round and be back to
their normal ways and smelling a
lot better. And who knows, your cat may start cleaning themselves a
little more thoroughly in the future to save going through the bathing
nightmare again.
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